Addressbook, cup of tea and stationery at the ready, you start addressing
invitations for your husband’s fortieth birthday party. All of a sudden
you realize you are in a potential etiquette minefield. Jane and John
are married, but she does not want to be addressed as “and Mrs. John
Kelly;” Sam and Sue are not married, but live together; and Tanya is
separated but not yet divorced. What are the correct forms of address
for each of these invitations?
Help is on the way! Simply refer to our handy chart and take the mystery out
of addressing your social correspondence correctly. Click here for a downloadable version of the chart in .pdf format for convenient reference.
| Situation | Options/Notes |
| Addressing a Woman | |
| Maiden name | Ms. Jane Johnson Miss Jane Johnson*
*usually ‘Miss’ is for girls under 18 |
| Married, keeping maiden name | Ms. Jane Johnson |
| Married, uses husband’s name socially | Mrs. John Kelly Mrs. Jane Kelly*
*Nowadays this is acceptable Ms. Jane Kelly |
| Separated, not divorced | Mrs. John Kelly Mrs. Jane Kelly
Ms. Jane Kelly |
| Divorced | Mrs. Jane Kelly Ms. Jane Kelly
Ms. Jane Johnson (maiden name) |
| Widowed | Mrs. John Kelly* *If you don’t know the widow’s preference, this is the traditional and preferred form Mrs. Jane Kelly Ms. Jane Kelly |
| Addressing a Couple | |
| Married, she uses her husband’s name socially | Mr. and Mrs. John Kelly |
| NOTE: Traditionally, a man’s name preceded a woman’s on an envelope adddress, and his first and surname were not separated (Jane and John Kelly). Nowadays, the order of the names—whether his name or hers comes first—does not matter and either way is acceptable. The exception is when one member of the couple ‘outranks’ the other—the one with the higher rank is always listed first. |
|
|
Married, she prefers Ms.
|
Mr. John Kelly and Ms. Jane Kelly Ms. Jane Kelly and Mr. John Kelly *Do not link Ms. to the husband’s name: Mr. and Ms.John Kelly is incorrect |
| Married, informal address | Jane and John Kelly John and Jane Kelly |
| Married, she uses maiden name | Mr. John Kelly and Ms. Jane Johnson Ms. Jane Johnson and Mr. John Kelly If you can’t fit the names on one line: |
| Unmarried, living together | Mr. John Kelly Ms. Jane Johnson Note: Use two lines, do not indent and do not link the names with ‘and’. Either name may be used first. |
| A woman who outranks her husband: elected office, military rank |
The Honorable Jane Kelly and Mr. John Kelly
If you can’t fit both names on one line (note indent): |
| A woman who outranks her husband: professional or educational degree |
Dr. Jane Kelly and Mr. John Kelly |
| Both are doctors (PhD or medical) and use the same last name | The Doctors Kelly (omit first names) Drs. Jane and John Kelly / Drs. John and Jane Kelly Dr. John Kelly and Dr. Jane Kelly / Dr. Jane Kelly and Dr. John Kelly |
| Both are doctors (PhD or medical), she uses her maiden name | Dr. Jane Johnson and Dr. John Kelly Dr. John Kelly and Dr. Jane Johnson |
| Business | |
| Woman | Ms. is the default form of address, unless you know positively that a woman wishes to be addressed as Mrs. |
| Professional designations—use only for business | Jane Kelly, CPA |
| Note: Do not use Ms. or Mr. if using a professional designation. Socially, drop the professional designation and use Mr., Ms., or Mrs.: Ms. Jane Kelly |
|
| Esquire: Attorneys and some court officials |
Jane Kelly, Esquire |
| Note: If using Esquire, do not use Ms. or Mr. In conversation or socially, ‘Esquire’ is not used; use Mr. or Ms.: Ms. Jane Kelly |
|
| Attorney at Law | Ms. Jane Kelly Attorney at Law |
| This is an alternative to ‘Esquire’ for attorneys. Use Mr. or Ms. and use two lines with no indent | |
Denise said,
January 19, 2007 at 2:32 pm
I’m planning a life celebration for my mother’s 70th birthday. In the invitation I want to include her maiden name and need help with doing it correctly. Is it “first name, middle name, married name (nee: maiden name)”? Thanks in advance for your help.
Stacey said,
February 19, 2007 at 4:39 pm
I am getting married and my father and step mother are hosting the wedding and reception. We want to honor my mother as well. She is divorced but still carries the last name of her ex husband. We have printed the invitations addressing her as Mrs and her married last name. Is that the correct way to address her or have we made a big mistake?
Bailey said,
April 18, 2007 at 11:54 pm
We are hosting our daughter’s wedding. I do not like to be called Mrs. Sean Bailey. I am Mrs. Alexandra Bailey or Ms. Alexandra Bailey. So in the invitation, how do I avoid using “Mr and Mrs Sean Bailey request the honour…” so that I get my first name in too.
lorna said,
June 18, 2007 at 12:06 pm
How about:
‘Mr and Mrs Sean and Alexandra Bailey’?
DIANA said,
July 30, 2007 at 8:31 pm
Etiquette forms address
helen said,
September 16, 2008 at 3:41 am
i am inviting a couple to a formal event, they are both rabbis how do i properly address them on my invitation
E. Fisher said,
October 1, 2008 at 12:47 am
Under married using husbands name: I do not understand the explanation as it says traditionally the man’s name preceeded the wife’s name and his given name and surname are not separated, however the example has the wife’s name preceeding. “Mrs. Jean and John Kelly”.
Julie said,
November 15, 2008 at 2:38 am
The above is partially incorrect. It is a very big no-no to separate a man’s first and last name – you would NEVER list John and Jane Smith, always Jane and John Smith. That is etiquette 101.
Janice Campbell said,
July 11, 2009 at 3:28 pm
I am getting married and my father and step mother are hosting the wedding and reception. We want to honor my mother as well. She is divorced but still carries the last name of her ex husband. We have printed the invitations addressing her as Mrs and her married last name. Is that the correct way to address her or have we made a big mistake?
Dee said,
July 23, 2009 at 8:04 pm
I’m in the same position as your mom. Its proper to refer to her as “Ms. Jane Doe”….The “Doe” being her currently last name. “Mrs” is used for currently married or widowed addressees.